The Toy Car and the First Case of Rejection

Normally, I don't want to spoil Veer by pampering him. However, when I give him stuff he demands, I feel I am getting it for myself (won't get into the reasons of this feeling).

When Veer was around one and half years old, we were roaming around in the society. Veer saw a child riding his toy car. He wanted to ride that car for some time. He asked me to talk to that child and borrow the car for some time. However, as I wanted Veer to communicate for himself, I asked him to do the talking. Obliging to Papa's suggestion, Veer approached the child and asked for the car. Instead of giving a positive gesture, the child pushed him back. This was, I think, Veer's first rejection. He used to have his way before that. Hence, he came back running to me, showing a finger at the culprit. I brought him home and consoled.

Veer cried for some time and went to sleep. Pramita told me that Veer would sleep for an hour or so. It was already 10 PM. I called my friend Ramdas. We went to the market. There was a cycle store almost on the verge of shutting down. We requested the owner to remain open for five more minutes. Somehow, she agreed. We bought a toy car, more expensive, better, bigger than that of the other child.

So when Veer woke up, he had the car in front him. Instead of riding it right away, he asked me to take the car downstairs. Once I took it downstairs, he asked, "Now, call that child. I will show him my car."

Veer was only one and half, but possessed so much of anger and sense of retaliation.

First Case of Mistrust

In the first four years, Veer had rarely showed any expression from which we would know that he didn't trust us. There were very small arguments that had taken place where he would say, "papa, I don't love you. You didn't bring me this toy." And when I would reply, "Don't you know papa always fulfills your desire. You are a grown up now. You need to understand.." He would quickly respond, "Then, why don't you buy me this toy."

Those were just conversations I would say and not a case of mistrust. However, that day it happened differently. We went to Nani's house. Veer and Priti got down from the bike. As I was parking the bike, he kept looking at me without batting an eye lid. I asked both of them to go ahead, hinting that I would follow. Veer said, "Give me the key of the bike." Before I understand anything, he took away the key from me and said, Now, I am sure you will follow us. Without the key, I wouldn't have trusted you."

It came from nowhere. The whole night I kept thinking to find the reason of his mistrust, if I had done anything in the past which would have fuelled his mistrust. Didn't get the answer. 

First Outing Alone

Veer has turned four last month. However, it has been tough for us to leave him alone. Wherever he wants to go, he always enjoys company of papa, mamma, peesa, nani, or didi.

A few days back, Veer wanted to visit the shop outside the society and buy some candy. What he says is, "papa, Come. I will take you with me." We all laughed at this. So he replied, "I won't take you with me. I am going alone." He had one rupee with him.

Our impression was that he would come back from the stairs. However, he didn't return from there. We didn't hear his footsteps as well. So I ran to follow him. What I saw from a distance is that he was walking very normally as if he go out alone everyday. Not even once he looked back to check if anyone is following him.

After Veer stepped out of the society, our neighbour Mahesh saw him and stopped him. Mahesh looked puzzled as he had never seen Veer going anywhere alone. When Mahesh asked Veer where he was going, the latter replied "I am going to buy a candy." Mahesh looked around and found me. I hinted him to let Veer move ahead.

Soon Veer came to the main road. Now he had to cross the road. He struggled high time. Looked scared but didn't lose hope. It was when a four wheeler was approaching him, I appeared in front of him. I thought he would be exhilarated to see me. However, he was disappointed. Showed his anger to me for I had ruined his plan of a solo outing. I realised that he wanted to achieve something by winning over his fear, but I became the bottleneck.

As I held his hand to help him cross the road, he threw his hand and asked me not to touch him. I followed his instructions diligently. He crossed the road with a little more confidence and went to the shop. The shopkeeper didn't want to take the coin from him for the candy. Veer angrily said, "Take it". Amused, the shopkeeper looked at me. I gave a nod and then he took the coin with a feeling of guilt.

While coming back home, Veer repeated this one question - why did you follow me? I was telling myself, "maybe next time, I will be a little braver and bestow my confidence in you. I already know you are brave. Proud to be your father. Happy to see you grow up."