Empathy

I don't know if I need to blame myself for this or think that it's just part of the process. Veer is now four and a half and cannot take a defeat in a game. I am sure he will learn it one day. But as a father, I would like him to learn this art of having a sportsman spirit in everything in life.

I was playing hockey with him at home today. I allowed him to score two goals and acted to display my disappointment on each goal he scored. Then, by mistake, I scored a goal. His reaction - threw away the plastic hockey, went to the bedroom and closed the door. I knew he would come back after some time and that happened. We played again. This time, I was even more cautious and making sure I didn't score a goal. I let him score a goal. While he was celebrating, I threw my hockey and went to the bed room and smashed the door.

After sometimes, he came inside, gave me a cricket bat, and said, "papa, you play with this. It will be easy for you to score a goal with the bat." He was ready to be defeated to see me happy.

I don't know whether he has started to learn to accept defeat, but I am sure he has started to have empathy. I am happy and feel proud for the same.

Teaching Veer in a Fun Way

Veer goes to school now. He is in Junior KG. However, upon his return from school, when I ask what he did in school, he normally responds saying "Bohut masti kiya".

Veer has developed a general tendency of irritating by asking same questions again and again. He is ignorant that we also enjoy it when he does so. Last night, I was telling my wife that my First Class train pass has expired, hence the next day I would have to travel in Second Class. Upon hearing it, Veer started with his questions.

Veer: Papa, what will you do if the Second Class pass expires?
Me: I will travel in Third Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Third Class pass expires?
Me: In Fourth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Fourth Class pass expires?
Me: In Fifth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Fifth Class pass expires?
Me: In Sixth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Sixth Class pass expires?
Me: In Seventh Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Seventh Class pass expires?
Me: In Eighth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Eighth Class pass expires?
Me: In Ninth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Ninth Class pass expires?
Me: In Tenth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Tenth Class pass expires?
Me: In Eleventh Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Eleventh Class pass expires?
Me: In Twelfth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Twelfth Class pass expires?
Me: In Thirteenth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Thirteenth Class pass expires?
Me: In Fourteenth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Fourteenth Class pass expires?
Me: In Fifteenth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Fifteenth Class pass expires?
Me: In Sixteenth Class.
Veer: How will you travel if your Sixteenth Class pass expires?
Me: In Seventeenth Class.
Veer: I am done now.

I could never have made him go from "First" to "Sixteenth" in any other way.

The Toy Car and the First Case of Rejection

Normally, I don't want to spoil Veer by pampering him. However, when I give him stuff he demands, I feel I am getting it for myself (won't get into the reasons of this feeling).

When Veer was around one and half years old, we were roaming around in the society. Veer saw a child riding his toy car. He wanted to ride that car for some time. He asked me to talk to that child and borrow the car for some time. However, as I wanted Veer to communicate for himself, I asked him to do the talking. Obliging to Papa's suggestion, Veer approached the child and asked for the car. Instead of giving a positive gesture, the child pushed him back. This was, I think, Veer's first rejection. He used to have his way before that. Hence, he came back running to me, showing a finger at the culprit. I brought him home and consoled.

Veer cried for some time and went to sleep. Pramita told me that Veer would sleep for an hour or so. It was already 10 PM. I called my friend Ramdas. We went to the market. There was a cycle store almost on the verge of shutting down. We requested the owner to remain open for five more minutes. Somehow, she agreed. We bought a toy car, more expensive, better, bigger than that of the other child.

So when Veer woke up, he had the car in front him. Instead of riding it right away, he asked me to take the car downstairs. Once I took it downstairs, he asked, "Now, call that child. I will show him my car."

Veer was only one and half, but possessed so much of anger and sense of retaliation.

First Case of Mistrust

In the first four years, Veer had rarely showed any expression from which we would know that he didn't trust us. There were very small arguments that had taken place where he would say, "papa, I don't love you. You didn't bring me this toy." And when I would reply, "Don't you know papa always fulfills your desire. You are a grown up now. You need to understand.." He would quickly respond, "Then, why don't you buy me this toy."

Those were just conversations I would say and not a case of mistrust. However, that day it happened differently. We went to Nani's house. Veer and Priti got down from the bike. As I was parking the bike, he kept looking at me without batting an eye lid. I asked both of them to go ahead, hinting that I would follow. Veer said, "Give me the key of the bike." Before I understand anything, he took away the key from me and said, Now, I am sure you will follow us. Without the key, I wouldn't have trusted you."

It came from nowhere. The whole night I kept thinking to find the reason of his mistrust, if I had done anything in the past which would have fuelled his mistrust. Didn't get the answer. 

First Outing Alone

Veer has turned four last month. However, it has been tough for us to leave him alone. Wherever he wants to go, he always enjoys company of papa, mamma, peesa, nani, or didi.

A few days back, Veer wanted to visit the shop outside the society and buy some candy. What he says is, "papa, Come. I will take you with me." We all laughed at this. So he replied, "I won't take you with me. I am going alone." He had one rupee with him.

Our impression was that he would come back from the stairs. However, he didn't return from there. We didn't hear his footsteps as well. So I ran to follow him. What I saw from a distance is that he was walking very normally as if he go out alone everyday. Not even once he looked back to check if anyone is following him.

After Veer stepped out of the society, our neighbour Mahesh saw him and stopped him. Mahesh looked puzzled as he had never seen Veer going anywhere alone. When Mahesh asked Veer where he was going, the latter replied "I am going to buy a candy." Mahesh looked around and found me. I hinted him to let Veer move ahead.

Soon Veer came to the main road. Now he had to cross the road. He struggled high time. Looked scared but didn't lose hope. It was when a four wheeler was approaching him, I appeared in front of him. I thought he would be exhilarated to see me. However, he was disappointed. Showed his anger to me for I had ruined his plan of a solo outing. I realised that he wanted to achieve something by winning over his fear, but I became the bottleneck.

As I held his hand to help him cross the road, he threw his hand and asked me not to touch him. I followed his instructions diligently. He crossed the road with a little more confidence and went to the shop. The shopkeeper didn't want to take the coin from him for the candy. Veer angrily said, "Take it". Amused, the shopkeeper looked at me. I gave a nod and then he took the coin with a feeling of guilt.

While coming back home, Veer repeated this one question - why did you follow me? I was telling myself, "maybe next time, I will be a little braver and bestow my confidence in you. I already know you are brave. Proud to be your father. Happy to see you grow up."

One of the First Cases of Mistrust

We celebrated Veer's 4th birthday just a few days back. Till now I had experienced that he trusted me in everything. He hadn't given me a single hint where I would sense mistrust. He would jump on me while getting down the stairs, he would cross the road holding my hand fearlessly, he would jump on the waves in the sea, and so on.

However, today he broke the momentum. He refused to be the same for no reason. I don't remember if  I have given him any reason to mistrust me. He got down from my scooter and asked me to follow him to my sister's house. I said, you go ahead and I will follow you. His immediate reaction was, "Give me the keys of your scooter. I don't trust you. You might leave me alone here."

How is It 'Going to a Supermarket with Veer' Like?

Like any other child, Veer is very fond of toys. We have bought him so many varieties of toys that it has become difficult to find something which Veer doesn't have. For a few days, I managed to convince him on not buying a toy with the argument that he already has it. However, it only worked for a few days. These days he says, "I have it red; need a green one."

Yesterday, we went to DMart. His mother wanted to buy some clothes. As usual, I had to handle/manage Veer for two long hours. A very difficult task, considering it was a supermarket. As soon as we stepped into the mall, Veer ran to the toys corner. Picked up a musical instrument. He had many of them, but not particularly of that variety. I tried to discourage him from taking it as it was a costly one. But finally, I had to lose to his tears. After he picked the instrument, I asked him to look for more toys. He liked a different package, which he didn't have. It was kind of a game, and would come at half the price of the musical instrument. Veer said he wanted the game as well. But I was adamant on picking any one of them. He picked the game.

After the toy selection, we started to look for our lady. During our search, Veer saw a child sitting on a very beautiful chair. He demanded, "I want this chair.", holding the game package tightly against his chest. Not to his surprise, I said we would buy the chair on the condition that he had to let go of the game package. After much of drama, he agreed to sacrifice the game package with a heavy heart.

We went around the mall looking for the chair. Finally, we found a few lying at a corner. We both were trying to look for a good color when Veer's eyes fell on a few bath tubs lying at a distance. Now, by then, Veer knew the game. He directly told me, "Papa, we won't take the chair, but the bath tub. Veer is planning to take a bath in the tub when we get back home." Worried, I quickly checked the price. It was a little more than the chair, but still affordable since it's the only one he was taking.

While all this was happening, our lady love was still selecting her clothes. We quickly picked up a bath tub and headed to find her. When we found her, she said, "I have zeroed in on these five pieces. However, I am yet to try them out." And there was a long queue outside the trial room, which was adjacent to the toys section. Until she got a trial room and tried out all the dresses, I tried my best to fix Veer's eyes on the bath tub, describing him all the pleasures he would exploit from it so that he didn't change his mind again.

I was successful in doing so. Finally, we headed to the billing counter. The person at the counter was too inefficient. Veer was getting restless. He ran to pick a ball which was not very costly. However, the rule was set by then. He demanded both the bath tub  andathe ball but came home with only the tub. Through the way, we kept him busy thinking about how he would enjoy the bath, which made him forget all the rest of the toys we didn't buy. However, I know that all those will also come home some day in the near future.